Star Wars Nostalgia vs. Reality

The great thing about a Hollywood strike is that it forces the big studios to cover for the lack of new films by rereleasing older pictures for us to enjoy on the big screen once more. Still, traveling backward doesn’t always yield pleasing results. Case in point: Star Wars: Episode 1 – The Phantom Menace, the first in George Lucas’ prequel saga, and often regarded as the worst Star Wars flick until Disney came along, said, “Hold my beer,” and produced The Rise of Skywalker.

Twenty-five years have passed since The Phantom Menace blasted onto screens, mandating the Mouse House to rerelease the fantasy epic in theaters to celebrate the occasion. Out of curiosity, I decided to venture into the wild with my two daughters to experience the divisive film on the big screen, and … well, this is one experience I probably should have nixed altogether.  

Full disclosure: I enjoyed The Phantom Menace back in 1999. At the time, I wasn’t the biggest Star Wars fan. I had seen all the films and enjoyed the Special Editions a few years prior, but I never considered myself a devout follower. The Phantom Menace teaser knocked my socks off with its dazzling visuals and breathtaking action, but I’m a sucker for summer blockbusters with splashy special effects. So, while I hadn’t sat around for over 15 years awaiting the next chapter in the beloved franchise, I was excited for The Phantom Menace and got swept up in the marketing hype to the point where I gleefully collected the TV guides featuring Drew Struzan’s masterful artwork. I spent an entire weekend moving gravel from my backyard so my dad would give me enough money to buy the soundtrack. I was all in.

Unfortunately, when Phantom was released, it was promptly met with mixed reviews from critics. The consensus at the time was that Phantom failed to live up to its enormous hype but still provided thrilling entertainment. 

My family missed out on opening day tickets but returned on Friday afternoon to witness the big event. I enjoyed the film enough to see it a few more times on the big screen. Mostly, I loved John Williams’ score. Whenever I heard “Duel of the Fates” in a video game, trailer, or promotional tie-in, I just had to see Darth Maul vs. Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon. 

As detailed in a previous article, I spent the next year defending Lucas’ vision from snotty Matrix fans. I never saw Phantom as a classic, but it was visually exciting and unlike anything I had seen before. Like many others, I took a wait-and-see approach, trusting that Lucas’ full vision would round out the rougher edges. 

Alas, Attack of the Clones sucked, and Revenge of the Sith proved only marginally better. Lucas’ failure was complete. I placed The Phantom Menace on my shelf and never looked back. I skipped the 3D release in 2012 and only returned to specific sequences—namely the Pod Race and the aforementioned lightsaber duel—on YouTube throughout the years. The Phantom Menace was dead, buried, a bizarre relic of the late 90s that had withered to oblivion.

Then, something happened. The kids of that late 90s era grew up and started writing blogs, leading to a reevaluation of the prequel trilogy. Suddenly, articles popped up everywhere (including ComingSoon) explaining how brilliant Phantom, Clones, and Sith were—the fans were to blame for their lofty expectations, not George Lucas. Disney’s botched trilogy and subsequent TV shows and spinoffs further cemented this idea into the public psyche. Hell, many begged Lucas to repurchase the rights to Star Wars from the Mouse House so that he could release a proper continuation of his saga. Time, it seems, heals all wounds.

As stated, I took my kids to see The Phantom Menace, hoping, nay, wanting, to have my opinion changed. At the very least, I would enjoy a nostalgia-fueled romp that would transport me back to my youth and reinvigorate my love of the franchise.

Eh, not so much.

All these years later, Phantom is just as messy and contrived as in 1999, if not more so. Lucas presents a few neat ideas and a handful of thrilling set pieces, but the admittedly colorful visual effects cannot overcome lethargic direction, flat acting, and remarkably bad dialogue. The film suffers from a lack of forward momentum. There’s no ticking clock, no sense of urgency. Things just sort of happen, and then the film ends.

Midway through the picture, my 8-year-old was fast asleep, and my 16-year-old was so annoyed with “the talking rabbit” that she could barely look at the screen whenever he appeared. She liked the Darth Maul lightsaber fight and the space battle but noted that neither is on screen long enough to appreciate. Lucas cuts to another sequence every time you start to get invested in the good stuff. I was surprised at how quickly Duel of the Fates ends; three quick scenes and we’re already witnessing Qui-Gon’s noble end.

None of these FX-heavy sequences carry any weight because we have no idea why anyone is fighting. Even after all these years, I still can’t explain the story. As far as I can tell, Palpatine (Ian McDiarmid) orchestrates a blockade on Naboo to gain power in the Senate, and that’s about it. Most of the film focuses on Qui-Gon (Liam Neeson) trying to free Anakin Skywalker (Jake Lloyd) from his slave master, even though the kid seems to have it pretty good on Tatooine. The sluggish and drawn-out midsection relies on absurd twists and turns to deliver the famed Pod Race, which Qui-Gon orchestrates without much urgency, despite the film’s repeated emphasis that “they are running out of time” to save Naboo. Then there’s another boring interlude on Coruscant before the all-out action finale.

Admittedly, the Pod Race still looks great, despite an abundance of slapstick and childish humor that undermines the intensity.

Yes, Darth Maul is still a cool villain, despite appearing in less than seven minutes of screen time:

Ultimately, nothing in The Phantom Menace is necessary to the overarching story. Instead, this first chapter plays like one of those tie-in books that delivers a few nuggets of backstory for fans to explore before the main event. Sure, it’s kind of fun to see Anakin’s origins, but also not essential, especially since he’s a completely different person at the start of Episode II. Fans wanted to see the Clone Wars, Emperor Palpatine’s rise, and Anakin’s downfall, all found (and rushed through) in Episode III, rendering The Phantom Menace (and Attack of the Clones) as little more than a colorful visual FX reel.

I won’t delve into the harsher criticisms other outlets have covered over the years. However, what really bugs me about The Phantom Menace is how silly the entire enterprise is. For example, our heroes take turns accidentally winning their respective conflicts during the final battle. Jar Jar accidentally kills a dozen or so droids with his clumsy antics, Anakin saves the day by accidentally firing rockets into a giant donut, Padme defeats the Trade Federation only because they mistake her for a decoy, and Obi-Wan defeats Darth Maul by sheer luck. Is this Lucas’ way of saying the Force guides everything?

Why not have Anakin destroy the command ship by using the Force? Why not have Padme concoct a strategy that doesn’t rely on luck to succeed? Why not allow Obi-Wan to destroy Darth Maul during their initial lightsaber fight? Why not morph Jar Jar into a determined warrior willing to die for his people? Why not demonstrate the power of the Force versus the powers of darkness in a way that captivates and thrills audiences like the original Star Wars did in 1977?

This film is so frustrating.

When I first entered college, my roommate had Photoshop installed on his computer. It was my first taste of the technology. Eager to try it out, I quickly sketched a drawing, scanned it into the computer, and painted it with digital tools. The result was some nifty colors applied to a lousy drawing — and that’s The Phantom Menace in a nutshell. Lucas was so excited to play with his CGI toys that he rushed through the screenwriting process, neglecting fundamental story aspects like character and structure. Sure, his visual palette is remarkable, if not overstuffed, but the foundation it is applied to lacks pathos.

Sadly, The Phantom Menace still sucks

People love Star Wars so much that they overlook its flaws. But here’s a question: if you remove the Star Wars name from The Phantom Menace, would it still hold up? What would your reaction be if you watched The Phantom Menace with no regard for Star Wars — its past or cinematic legacy?

I think it would be trashed by critics, or at best, attain cult status among sci-fi enthusiasts. Its issues are simply too great to ignore. As much as it pains me to say it, Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace sucks. Twenty-five years later, it’s time to put aside the nostalgia, accept the truth and move on.